How To...
by Skye Rocket
Summary: Harry Potter characters do public service ads. Chapter 3 is pretty darn sad...
1. Make A Microwave Pizza

How To....  
Cook a Microwave Pizza  
By Skye Rocket  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters or anything else, except Aberdeen, Skye and THE STUDIO.  
A/N: Weird, I guess. But I just wrote a depressing fic, so I'll snap myself out of a depressing state I'm in right now. Also, there are Italics in this fic, but they might not show up, so I put them in brackets, too.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
[Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron, and Snape and all of a sudden on a large stage. There is a video camera on a stand about fifty feet away, and a girl in a tie-dyed Old Navy flag shirt and teddy bear pajama pants sits on a green and silver directors chair behind the camera. She's got a megaphone and there's a green and yellow parakeet sitting on her shoulder. She's happily babbling to the bird in a baby voice.]  
  
Harry: Um, excuse me, who are you?  
  
Skye: {to the bird} Good bird, Aberdeen! Have a cherry puff treat! *Feeds bird treat that looks suspiciously like a cheese puff. She notices the characters standing in front of her* Oh, good, you're here! *She claps her hands, not affecting the bird at all* And you look great!  
  
Hermione: Where are we? And who are you?   
  
Skye: I'm Skye! That's all you need to know. And you're in THE STUDIO!  
  
All Characters: *give Skye blanks stares*  
  
Draco: {muttering} Looks like someone escaped from St. Mungo's. *Snickers*  
  
Skye: What was that?  
  
Draco: Nothing.  
  
Skye: Anywho, THE STUDIO is your new home for a while. And you are going to be filming announcements for the Public Service channel!  
  
[Characters groan]  
  
Ron: Why do these insane fanfic authors find it funny to torment us?   
  
Snape: You're telling me. Why do I always get stuck here with these *scoffs* children?  
  
Skye: *giggles* Ron, it's fun, and Snape, well, because you're an easy character to write for!  
  
Draco: So anyway, can we just get this over with, Skye?  
  
Skye: Oh, ok. *Pouts* I better get the cue cards. *Snaps fingers, making a stack of cards appear in her lap* Great! Now we can begin.  
  
Ron: {whispering to Harry} Is it just me or is this Muggle one of the creepy ones?  
  
Harry: Yep.  
  
Skye: Places! *snaps fingers again, refrigerator, microwave and table appear* OK, Draco and Harry by the microwave, Hermione and Ron, directly behind the table and Snape, you're in front of the fridge.  
  
[Characters take places. Malfoy kicks Harry so no one will see.]  
  
Harry: Ow! Malfoy! Stop it!   
  
Draco: But I didn't do it!  
  
Skye: *getting unpleasant* Shut up! Let's proceed!  
  
[Skye holds up the cue card. The first line is for Ron.]  
  
Ron: *reading from card* Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza? *Jumps forward*  
  
Skye: *stops filming and picks up megaphone* CUT! What was that little jumping thing, Ron?  
  
Ron: Well, I thought it'd be more dramatic and-  
  
Skye: Well, DON'T!  
  
[Draco cackles.]   
  
Skye: *shoots death glare* Is something funny?  
  
Draco: No, sir, I mean ma'am.  
  
[Skye growls and hold up cue card again]  
  
Skye: Remember, no funny business, Weasley!  
*FILMING*  
Ron: Have you ever wanted to make a lovely, nice, microwaveable pizza?  
  
Harry: Now, you can!  
  
Snape: *unenthusiastically* With these simple steps.  
  
Draco: Just get a small pizza that is safe for microwaving.  
  
[Snape opens fridge door and hits himself in the head with it accidentally]  
  
Skye: *infuriated* CUT! What did you do, Snape?   
  
Snape: It was an accident!  
  
Skye: TWENTY points from Slytherin!   
  
Draco: *yelling* You can't do that! You don't even go to Hogwarts!  
  
Skye: I'm a fanfic writer! I can do ANYTHING I want! Wah ha ha ha ha!   
  
[Everyone is creeped out. But they decide to keep filming.]  
  
Draco: Just get a pizza that is safe for microwaving!  
  
[Snape opens fridge door (successfully this time, I might add) and gets out a frozen pizza and gives it to Harry.]  
  
Harry: So now, we unwrap it and throw away the wrapper, because we don't want the little youngsters in the home to choke on it.   
  
Hermione: And we get a plastic plate that is safe for microwaves out of the cupboard.  
  
[Hermione opens cupboard and pulls out Skye's old Cookie Monster doll.]  
  
Skye: Holy- I mean CUT! I've been looking for that! *Aberdeen the parakeet flies into his cage across the room as Skye leaps out of her chair to get the doll* Wow! Thanks!  
  
[Skye receives weird looks as she runs back to her chair, cuddling the doll.]  
  
Skye: Okay, anyway, back to work!  
*FILMING*  
  
Hermione: Now get a plate that's safe for the microwave!  
  
[Hands the plate to Draco]  
  
Draco: Now put it on the plate and place it in the microwave for *squints at cue cards* twenty-five minutes for a lovely treat.  
  
*FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER*  
  
[Smoke is pouring out of the microwave. Skye is reading out of her math book to learn more about algebraic inequalities, Harry and Malfoy are comparing achievements, Hermione and Ron are arguing and Snape is sitting on the table, swinging his feet back and forth. Skye smells the smoke and looks up.]   
  
Skye: Oh my god! *throws book across the room* Oh my god! *Sits Cookie Monster in the chair as she runs to open the microwave without noticing camera is still on*  
  
Draco: Oh my-*faints*  
  
Ron: *laughs at Draco*   
  
Hermione: I think twenty minutes was too long, Skye!  
  
Skye: Snape, get the fire extinguisher! *Douses flames with the extinguisher*  
  
Harry: Wow, cool!  
  
Skye: *notices camera is on* No, that was not cool. Kids, microwaving is dangerous. Always have an adult present, and your pizza won't look like this. *Holds up burnt, melted and scorched pizza* Always read the box. This pizza was put in for too long. *Looks at box* It needs to be in for about SEVEN minutes. Be careful.  
  
Ron: Good advice.  
  
[The makeshift kitchen is a huge mess. The trashcan is kicked over by Skye scrambling around, revealing pictures of Draco with hearts around them, smoke is all over, the smoke alarm in THE STUDIO is beeping like crazy, Draco is laying on the floor, out cold, and the pizza has started oozing onto the table.]  
  
Harry: This has been a public service announcement.  
  
[The whole cast watches as Aberdeen flies out of his cage and over to the camera, landing on the "off" button. Skye grins broadly.]  
  
Skye: Yeah! Good job, you pretty, pretty birdy! *Jumping up and down*  
  
All the Characters: *look at each other oddly*  
  
Skye: Anyway, clean this up, and relax. *snaps fingers, making a bunch of bookshelves and a huge box of trading cards (mainly Pokemon) appear.* Be ready to shoot again tomorrow. {Talking to readers} Okay, that was odd. Please leave a review, and be ready for a new chapter too! 


	2. Be Safe on the Playground

How To...  
... Be Safe on a Playground  
By Skye Rocket  
Disclaimer: I only own Skye, Aberdeen and THE STUDIO.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
[It was a restless night for everyone except Skye and her beloved Aberdeen. Now, with wide eyes, Draco is reading "Death in Yellowstone," a book Skye's mother bought on vacation once. Hermione is helping Skye with the algebraic inequalities, Ron and Harry are eagerly playing with the Pokemon trading cards after Skye gave in and explained how to play (hey, she does have a little brother), and Snape is trying to play with Aberdeen.]  
  
Skye: *snaps her book shut* Okay, time to film again!   
  
Draco: *sitting, stunned* Did that little boy really fall in the-  
  
Skye: *nods* Sad but true.  
  
[Draco's eyes well up in tears.]  
  
Hermione: What's the matter with him?  
  
Skye: He read the "Hold Fast to You Children" chapter. Don't worry, I did too, once. It'll pass. I mean, look at me. See how I turned out?  
  
Hermione:*looks fearful* You mean, Draco could end up like you?  
  
[Skye nods. Hermione wants to scream, but decides ultimately against it.]  
  
Skye: Places! *she snaps, making a slide, a swing, a see-saw and a merry-go-round thingy appear on top of Brady Bunch-like astro turf* Draco, you get on one swing, Harry, you go to the top of the slide. Hermione, you and Ron get on the see-saw. And Snape, you're on the merry-go-round.  
  
[Characters grumble but take their places.]  
  
Harry: What's the subject this time?  
  
Skye: Playground safety! Now, here we go! *snaps and gets new cue cards* Aberdeen, music please!  
  
[Aberdeen chirps in agreement and flies over to the stereo, pushing a button, starting annoying, kiddie music.]  
*FILMING*  
  
Draco: La la la. I love the playground!  
  
[Skye is shaking in silent laughter.]  
  
Harry: But Junior, we must be safe!  
  
Ron: Good idea, Frank!  
  
Hermione: Come on, Bob, let's see-saw.  
  
Ron: Jenny, when we see-saw, we should always make sure the other person is ready.  
  
Hermione: Are you ready? I am!  
  
Ron: Me too!  
  
[They see-saw with huge, fake smiles.]  
  
Snape: Now, I'm going to ride the merry-go-round!  
  
Draco: Jimmy, when you ride the merry-go-round, make sure when you jump on that you'll actually land on it. It could drag you around and around unless you are exactly right in your jumping.   
  
[Snape's face turns a faint shade of green.]  
  
Snape: Thanks, Arnold!  
  
[He rides the merry-go-round.]  
  
Harry: Junior, is there anything I should know about the slide?  
  
Ron: Well, you need to hold on to the bars until you're sitting on the top of the slide until you go down the slide.  
  
[Harry slides down, safely. Ron claps.]  
  
Draco: I will swing, and I know not to go to high, or I might get hurt if I fall off.   
  
[Snape nods.]  
  
Snape: Good idea. *Mouths the words "ten points to Slytherin"*  
  
[The whole cast plays until Ron falls off of the see-saw back wards and Hermione goes crashing to the ground.]  
  
Skye: Not again! *She runs out, once again leaving the camera on.*  
  
Ron: OW! That hurts! Let go of my arm, Dra- I mean Leon!  
  
Skye: Kids, if this happens to you or one of you friends, don't panic, just get help for yourself or your friend.   
  
[Once again, Aberdeen shuts the camera off. Ron's arm is bleeding from a tiny scratch on his elbow, but he's freaking out.]  
  
Ron: Help! I'm bleeding! I'm going to die! This is your fault, Skye! *Tries to kick her*  
  
Skye: Why I oughta- *gets shoved out of the way by Draco*  
  
Draco: Stop it, Skye!   
  
Skye: Leave me alone. Aberdeen, get the first aid kit! See, Ron, Aberdeen's going to bring some Band-Aids and alcohol.  
  
Snape: I could use some of that.  
  
Skye: The kind for wounds, Snape.  
  
[Snape looks disappointed. Aberdeen comes to the rescue with a small glass bottle and a Band-Aid (a big one, to make Ron feel important and wounded).]  
  
Skye: Thanks, Abbey!  
  
[Skye pulls a handkerchief out of her pocket and puts alcohol on it. She plops it down in Ron's elbow, who begins to scream.]  
  
Ron: Ow, ow, ow! Get it off! It stings!  
  
[Skye rolls her eyes and puts the Band-Aid on it.]  
  
Skye: What a baby. Anyway, Draco, I bet you read the part in that book about falling into geysers and hot pools, am I right?  
  
Draco: Yeah, that was horrible.  
  
Skye: Listen, that kid JUMPED in. You have to make a huge effort to fall in, trust me.  
  
Draco: He JUMPED? *turns a pale shade of green*  
  
Skye: Yeah, he wanted to see how hot it was.  
  
Draco: Oh my god!  
  
[Skye hands him a paper bag. Draco chucks up into it.]  
  
Skye: C'mon, we can read the chapter about trees falling on people, or the one where they die from sleeping in the car with the engine running.  
  
Hermione: Skye, as much as I dislike Draco, stop it! Look at him!  
  
[Skye looks at him. He's a seafoam shade of green and has the bag open and is spewing into it.]  
  
Skye: I see what you mean. Gross.   
  
[Skye and Aberdeen go off to watch Harry and Ron resume their Pokemon game. Snape curiously picks up a Babysitter's Club book of off one of the shelves and read it. Hermione begins to read some of 'Loves Music, Loves to Dance'(Skye's favorite book, I might add) to Draco to calm his nerves.]  
  
Skye: Okay, guys, be ready for another chapter soon! 


	3. Where's Aberdeen?

How To...  
...Decorate a Christmas Tree  
by Skye Rocket  
Disclaimer: You know the drill: I don't own anything except Aberdeen, Skye and THE STUDIO. The end.  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
[Hermione and Draco were still engrossed in 'Loves Music, Loves to Dance' and Draco seemed to be calming down a bit. He was sitting in Skye's green and silver director's chair, which, as Skye explained, was meant to signify the colors of Slytherin. Skye decided to set up Aberdeen's ladder and box set, and now Snape watched the bird intently as Abbey (as Skye liked to occasionally call him) flapped around curiously. Skye sat in the corner, scrawling madly and hurriedly on the new cue cards for the new announcement with her thick permanent markers. Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were having a quiet conversation over in the corner as they played cards.]  
  
Harry: D'ya think she's insane?  
  
Ron: I have no idea. But that bird is getting on my nerves. He pooped on the Quidditch manual Skye gave me while I was reading it.   
  
Harry: Skye'll be mad, though.  
  
Ron: I cleaned it off, you dolt!  
  
Harry: Anyway, what do you think our announcement will be this time? She's really busy over there.  
  
Ron: I hope it'll be "How to Get Home."  
  
Harry: Not likely, Ron.  
  
[All of a sudden, Skye stood up.]  
  
Skye: Okay, time for our new announcement!   
  
Snape: What is it this time?  
  
Skye: How to decorate a Christmas tree!  
  
Draco: Blah. That's boring, Skye!  
  
Skye: And as the little boy tumbled into the water, he screamed-  
  
[Draco yelled bloody murder]  
  
Hermione: Skye, I just got him calmed down.  
  
[Skye shrugged and mumbled an apology as she picked Aberdeen up.]  
  
Skye: Come on, you guys, time to film!  
  
[They grumbled but stood on the stage all around the many boxes of ornaments as Skye slipped her feet into a pair of pig house slippers and sat in her beloved Slytherin chair with Aberdeen on her shoulder. She held up the first cue card.]  
  
Skye: Read it and weep.  
  
*FILMING*  
  
Draco: Fa la la la la la la. Hey, why do I always have to sing?  
  
Skye: *turns camera off* CUT! Draco, I have no idea. I just slapped names on the script. Besides, this is only the second time! We've only done three of these anyway! Quit complaining!  
  
*FILMING*  
  
Draco: Fa la la la la la la la la.   
  
Snape: Now we get to decorate. {to Hermione} Hand me the box of ornaments, honey.  
  
[Skye pantomimes smiling, trying to make Snape smile.]  
  
Hermione: Here, Daddy!   
  
[Skye gives Hermione a thumbs up sign.]  
  
Harry: Kids, be careful when you're holding breakable ornaments. The breaking glass could hurt you it you drop it.   
  
[Ornament shatters into a million pieces.]  
  
Harry: Ooops!   
  
[Skye grumbles and conjures a dustpan and a little broom.]  
  
Skye: Just clean it up. *massages temples*  
  
Harry: Okay let's go.  
  
*FILMING*  
  
Harry: Kids, be careful when you're holding breakable ornaments. The breaking glass could hurt you it you drop it.   
  
Draco: *shoots a look at Harry* If you DO drop it, make sure you pick up all of the little pieces so no one steps on them.  
  
Ron: And make sure you don't poke yourself accidentally with the hanging hooks.   
  
[Skye holds her breath, hoping he won't. Ron successfully hangs it on the tree.]  
  
Snape: And always let an adult put the ornaments that need to be put up higher than others.  
  
Hermione: And make sure your tree, if it's a live one, has plenty of water.  
  
[Thinking it's a good idea, Skye conjures a fireplace behind the tree. She sighs, seeing not a fire hazard but a romantic scene.]  
  
Draco: And most of all, have fun.   
  
[The cast of the announcement gathers together with big, phony smiles. But all of a sudden, the tree bursts into flame. Snape screams and Skye leaps out of her seat.]  
  
Ron: Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno!  
  
Skye: Not helping! *She grabs an throw with a picture of Aberdeen on it from off of the sofa. She yelps and beats at the flames with the blanket.*  
  
[Hermione is staring in horror. Snape is trying to get everything flammable out of the way, Harry is standing around and watching, Draco is edging away and mumbling in horror and Ron is still singing the Disco Inferno song.]  
  
Skye: All right! It's out. *looks at the camera* Kids, never put your tree over a heating vent of in front of a fireplace. And if it ignites, immediately get away and call 911. Thanks for watching! *throws conjured marble at the off button, shutting it off.*  
  
[Smoke is all over, and again, the smoke alarm of THE STUDIO is going nuts. The Aberdeen throw is miraculously safe, but the tips of Skye's slippers ate singed, and she's doing a little jumping dance because of the heat.]  
  
Snape: As I recall, this time, it's your fault.   
  
Skye: Don't remind me. Although, I must admit, it looked good until it caught on fire.  
  
Hermione: At least your Aberdeen throw is still intact.   
  
Skye: Yeah. Ron, why the heck did you sing instead of help me?  
  
Ron: Because you were flipping out. You scared the heck out of me.   
  
Harry: Sad but true, Skye.  
  
Skye: Hey, where's Aberdeen?  
  
[Everyone turns to look at the fireplace and the tree. Skye's mouth drops open and a little squeak comes out. Everyone is in shock.]  
  
Skye: A-Abbey? ABBEY! NO!  
  
Draco: *puts his arm around Skye's shoulder* Oh, Skye. I'm sorry. I know Aberdeen was your best friend.  
  
Skye: *trying to hold back tears* He was my only friend, you clod! And now he's-he's-he's...  
  
[Skye trudges slowly over to her air mattress in the corner of THE STUDIO and lays on it, covering her head with the sleeping bag.]  
  
Hermione: Oh my god. Poor Skye.  
  
[They all stand and look at Skye's now sleeping form. Even Snape seems to feel bad. Yes, it is possible.]  
  
Draco: That's so sad. He really was her only friend. It's not like she can just snap her fingers and get another Aberdeen.  
  
Ron: Well, technically she could.   
  
[The others stare disbelievingly at Ron.]  
  
Harry: Ron!  
  
Ron: What? What'd I say?  
  
Snape: How can we make this up to her? Sure, we didn't do anything, but hey, it was her friend we're talking about...  
  
[Everyone looks thoughtful.]  
  
Harry: No idea.  
  
Hermione: Me either.  
  
Draco: Harry, do Skye's traditional outro.   
  
Harry: Well, okay. Um, even though Skye's parakeet is now, well, to be blunt, Kentucky Fried, we'll try to go on. And leave a review! We're out!   
  
[Everyone Waves] 


	4. ...Make a Mud Pie (with a guest director...

How To...   
... Make Mud Pies   
  
Disclaimer: Poor Aberdeen, right? Oh well. Due to the unfortunate circumstances, we're going to have a guest director. But anyway, I own the guest, the memory of Aberdeen, Skye and THE STUDIO. I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or anything else.   
  
A/N: My first reviewer (thanks!) wanted to know if the plate they used in the microwave in chapter 1 would have worked. Probably not. I'd like to think it was a paper plate, which pretty much gets holes eaten into it.   
**********************   
  
[Skye is still asleep, and the others are beginning to think she had a heart attack from the loss of her parakeet. Every now and then, Hermione glances down to read a bit more of Loves Music, Loves to Dance, Draco is doodling little pictures of the Slytherin serpent in a notebook he found on the bookshelf. Snape is engrossed in another Babysitter's Club book. Harry is looking in the box of trading cards. Ron is reading a book about the care and keeping of rats, shaking his head in dismay. Every now and then, one will look up, checking on their grieving director. Even they can't believe what's happened. But all of a sudden, there's a loud popping noise, a bright yellow flash and blue smoke pouring out of nowhere.]   
  
[As soon as the smoke partially clears, the announcement cast sees a boy about Skye's age with dirty blonde hair and light colored eyes, wearing silver shorts and a blue shirt with a yellow falcon on it. He looks a little disturbed by the announcers scattered around the room, but snaps out of it when he sees the camera and the stage.]   
  
Harry: And who are you?   
  
Randall: A friend of Skye's. She told me that if she needed it, I'd be able to help her out. So, we're doing those public service commercial things, right? Wait, where's Aberdeen?   
  
Draco: Don't ask.   
  
Randall: Well, anyway, let's go. *He picks up his the cards Skye left in the corner* OK, how to make a mud pie. This shouldn't be that bad.   
  
[The cast exchanges a glance.]   
  
Randall: Places!   
  
[Characters take places on a large cement area next to a large mud pile. Randall holds up cue cards.]   
  
Snape: Muddy, muddy, mud.   
  
Draco: Let's make mud pies!   
  
Hermione: Okay!   
  
Ron: First, let's make sure no worms are in the dirt.   
  
Harry: Nope, none at all!   
  
Snape: Okay, so now we smush them into little cakes!   
  
[They all do.]   
  
Draco: Okay, now we lay them out to dry.   
  
Computerized Picture: In 24 hours....   
  
Harry: Look! They're cooked and stale! Wow!   
  
Hermione: Remember kids, dirt has germs in it. Never eat your mud pies.   
  
Randall: And cut! That's a wrap! Great job! I'm going to go write some more commercials. You guys are great! *conjures door and goes in what appears to be a study*   
  
Harry: Thank god! He's gone!   
  
Ron: Yes! He's worse than Lockheart!   
  
[Hermione shifts uncomfortably.]   
  
Ron: Ooh, sorry, Hermione.   
  
Draco: We need to get rid of him. Besides, what sort of a name is "Randall," anyway?   
  
Snape: How can Skye like him?   
  
Draco: I hope he just has a high opinion of himself and doesn't know Skye very well.   
  
[Everyone agrees.]   
  
Ron: All I know is, I want Skye back.   
  
Harry: Yeah.   
  
Snape: But I have no idea on how to get him out of here!   
  
Hermione: For once, I'm drawing a blank. *keeps thinking*   
Draco: I've got it! Wait, no, that'd never work.   
  
Snape: We'll scare him off by telling him Skye is dead, then when he leaves to go get help, we'll wake Skye up and get her to curse THE STUDIO so he can't get in!   
  
Harry: Hey, Snape, I gotta hand it to you, that's a great idea!   
  
[Everyone agrees. All of a sudden, Ron begins to scream.]   
  
Ron: RANDALL! RAAAAAAAAAANDALLLLLLL!   
  
[Randall popped out of his study.]   
  
Randall: What is it? Is something wrong?   
  
Harry: It's Skye! We think that she's-she's-Oh, I can't say it!   
  
Hermione: We think she's dead!   
  
Draco: Go get help, please?   
  
[The cast of the announcements begin to cry madly. Randall's eyes bug out of his head.]   
  
Randall: Oh my gosh! I'll go get help!   
  
[And in a poof of yellow smoke and a flash of blue light(yeah, the colors switch back and forth), Randall is gone again. The five take a minute to do a victory dance, and Snape even to the extreme of running a victory lap around THE STUDIO. But they realize that the plan is not totally finished yet. The cast crowds around Skye.]   
  
Ron: Wake up! *shaking Skye back and forth* You've got to curse THE STUDIO!   
  
Skye: *groggily* Why, did Randall come?   
  
Hermione: Ugh, yes.   
  
Skye: And he said I was his friend, I'll bet. What a lunatic! How could he say that? Sure, I'll curse it for you. Anything to keep that clown out. He even scares the heck out of me! *she snaps her fingers and claps her hands* Ah, it feels so good to be back, even though Aberdeen is, well- let's not think about that.   
  
Draco: *a hint of his old personality creeping back in* You mean Aberdeen is more baked than a baked potato?   
  
Skye: Exactly.   
  
[Everyone exchanges glances, wondering how she let that remark go over her head.]   
  
Skye: So, what did Randall make you guys do?   
  
Ron: *rolling eyes* "How to Make a Mud Pie."   
  
Skye: *infuriated* And I'll bet he told you I wrote them. That little-,   
  
Snape: Come on, Skye, there are children here!   
  
Draco, Ron, Harry and Hermione: We are NOT children!   
  
Skye and Snape: *shrug* Yeah, yeah.   
  
Skye: Anyway, you guys, I think we need an even number of people in here. Whaddaya think?   
  
Hermione: YES, YES, YES!   
  
[The guys shrug and agree with Hermione, not caring much.]   
  
Skye: Okay, tomorrow, three new people. Is that okay? And guess what? I might even send a pair of you back...   
  
Everyone: YES!   
  
Skye: I never said I was going to. Besides, you're doing a good job.   
  
[Everyone frowns.]   
  
Skye: Anyway, I am going to go nuts in here without some other forms of entertainment, so maybe, I'll bring in something new, like a large stack of board games.   
  
[Everyone looks hopeful. Skye thinks for a minute. She finally sighs and snaps, making a huge set of shelves with games on it appear in a corner.]   
  
Draco: Um, great. But how do we figure out how to do this, genius?   
  
Skye: Don't get smart with me, Malfoy. No one messes with Skye Rocket like you do. Do you want me to have a quiz over Death In Yellowstone? Because I will. I am still in grief over here, bub.   
  
Ron: Bub? *giggles*   
  
Skye: *shrugs but continues blabbing threats at the seemingly un-fazed wizard* I'd even recite it. I have a photographic memory, after all. You think I can't simply "memorize" a gruesome book? Think about it. I hope you realize that it is not good to make me mad, Malfoy.   
  
[Skye turns to look at the others. And as she looks at the rest of our heroes, Draco makes rude faces at Skye without her knowledge.]   
  
Skye: Anyway, on a happier and less menacing note, tomorrow, I decided also to have a little memorial service. And I'll even conjure the fireplace that made him *gulps* lose his life.   
  
[Hermione sadly smiles and places a hand on Skye's arm. Snape nods. Harry tries to avoid looking at Skye, Ron was kicking at a loose spot in the carpet, and Draco was rolling his eyes as her became even more like his old self.]   
  
Hermione: That's wonderful. I think you're coming to terms with it now.   
  
Skye: *nods* Oh boy! Look how long we've carried on! Over 1,300 words! *waves* We gotta go, so bye! Look forward to our next chapter! BYE! *waves again* 


	5. ...Be Safe in A Pool (with new cast memb...

How To  
...Be Safe in a Pool  
  
By Skye Rocket  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything else. Okay. Now that that's settled, we can move along!  
  
A Bunny, look!  
(V)  
('.')  
o(") (")  
  
  
*******************  
  
[Skye was sitting in her Slytherin director's chair (it's green and silver, for those of you who don't remember), writing a eulogy for Aberdeen, mostly mindless, sappy things about her bird. Harry, Snape and Ron were playing "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" loudly after Harry discovered the instructions in the "Dream Date" box. Skye has now changed into her tie-dyed skirt and monkey tank top, wearing flips flops. Draco was reading "Redwall" and Hermione was playing with some of the trading cards. The copy of "Death In Yellowstone" lay in a box under the stage.]  
  
Skye: People, people! We need to get moving so I can introduce our new cast members.   
  
Hermione: Skye, what's up with the new clothes?  
  
Skye: Oh, do you like them?  
  
[Everyone gathers on the stage. Skye is wearing baggy jeans, lace-up knee boots, black leather, to be exact, a white peasant blouse with flowers embroidered around the neck. Her hair is braided around her head in a crown.]  
  
Skye: Okay. So now, our first new cast member is- and Hermione, it is a girl-  
  
Hermione: Yes!  
  
Skye: Pansy Parkinson!  
  
Draco: YES!  
  
Hermione: *wailing* Skye! That was mean!  
  
Skye: You guys, I'm KIDDING! It's Professor McGonagal.  
  
[Everyone shrugs.]  
  
Skye: And also, we have Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.   
  
Snape: No way. I quit.  
  
Skye: The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the waterspout. Down came the rain, and washed the spider out. Out came the-  
  
Snape: Stop it! Okay! I'll do it!  
  
Skye: *smiling gleefully* Okay, good. *snaps fingers, making Lupin, McGonagal and Sirius appear* Hello! Sirius, you're looking wonderful! Lupin! Welcome! Minerva! Good to see ya!   
  
Sirius: Where am I? I wanna go home!  
  
McGonagal (forget it, now she's Minerva to us readers): What the- who are you?  
  
Lupin: I think it's a Muggle.  
  
Skye: *very happy* You're right, Lupin! I'm Skye! That's all you need to know! You need to help your little friends film public service ads.   
  
[Blank looks. Skye snaps, making the deadly fire place appear.]  
  
Skye: Whatever. It's time for the memorial service for *gasps for air* Abbey.  
  
Draco: Yeah, yeah. *rolls eyes* {under his breath} He's dead, get a life.  
  
Skye: *bustling about* OK! I wrote a eulogy! Ahem! *conjures fireplace* Okay. "Aberdeen was my bird. But he was not all that great. He died by being burned to death and-," Who the heck messed with this? MALFOY!!  
  
Draco: Yeah, I did it.  
  
Skye: *infuriated beyond belief* You must die!!!!!! Arghhh! So disrespectful! *lunges beating at Draco with her fists* And the little boy went FIZZLE!  
  
Sirius: Skye, stop it!  
  
Skye: Well, okay. *kicks Draco* No one saw that.  
  
[Blank looks.]  
  
Sirius: Yes, well, um, okay.  
  
[All of a sudden, there is a scratching sound in the chimney.]  
  
Skye: Holy-  
  
Sirius: *snaps a hand over her mouth* Skye, what would the readers say if they heard you say those kinds of words?  
  
Skye: *rolls eyes* Oh, shut up. I wanna hear what's in the chimney! *Steps closer*   
  
[Squawking is heard as a loudly flying, black blob flies out of the chimney.]  
  
Draco: What the heck is that?  
  
Hermione: *screams*  
  
Skye: *eyes bulge* Oh my god. I know what that is!  
  
Remus and Minerva: What?  
  
[Blob chirps cheerfully.]  
  
Skye: ABBEY! OH MY GOD!  
  
[The original cast members stand agape.]  
  
Aberdeen: Cheep! Cheep chirp cheep!  
  
Skye: *crying* Oh my god! I missed you Abbey! I thought you were dead! Ron, gimme a towel!   
  
Ron: *groans* Yeah, yeah, yeah. *hands Skye a dishtowel with Randall's face with an X through it printed onto it.*  
  
Skye: Great! *cleans Aberdeen off* Great! He's green and yellow again.  
  
Aberdeen: Cheep cheep, chirp!  
  
Skye: Right, Abbey, we've gotta start our taping now. Places! *conjures lovely pool, complete with water slide and high dive* Oh, wait! *conjures swimming suits on her cast*  
  
[Snape is wearing a Mickey Mouse Speedo. Hermione is wearing a tasteful Winnie the Pooh one-piece. Draco is in Hawaiian print trunks, Harry has camouflage trunks, and Ron has tie-dyed trunks. McGonagal is wearing a pink and green bikini and Sirius and Remus are wearing old fashioned bath suits with red and white stripes.]  
  
Hermione: *glances at Snape* Tee hee! *cackling hysterically*  
  
Skye: Okay, Okay, I can't help it if I conjure weird stuff every now and then, can I? Now lets go! *conjures orange soda and takes a long drink*  
  
FILIMNG  
  
Sirius: Hi kids! Do you like to swim? Well, the pool can be a dangerous place!  
  
Remus: So stay safe! If you are not able to swim, do not get to near the deep end or you might fall in.  
  
Draco: *runs* Wheee, I wanna get it!  
  
Snape: No, don't! *grabs Draco but looses his balance* WAUGGGGGGGHHHHHH! *falls in*  
  
Skye: Oh crud!  
  
[Snape climbs out of the pool. Skye dries him of by conjuring up a warm wind.]  
  
Skye: Just keep going!  
  
Hermione: When you go off of the high dive, make sure no one is in the pool underneath you. *jumps off*  
  
Harry: Don't splash people. It isn't very nice.  
  
Skye: Very nice, guys. I'll help you all. *she stands up and teeters around on the high heels of her boots* Oh my god! *walks shakily to the edge a the pool and slips on the high heel of the boot* AUGGGGGGGHHHHH!   
  
[Skye pitches into the water. Snape and Draco snicker. Hermione gasps. Ron and Harry don't notice, and Minerva, Sirius and Remus stare, eyes bulging.]  
  
Skye: Oh my god! {to the camera} If a friend falls in, get help. But if you can't find help, do it yourself. Do not get in. You'll see a life ring. Throw that to them. Them get the pool cleaning stick and pull them in. Remember, be safe!   
  
[This time, Aberdeen is ready, standing just to the right of the off button. He leaps onto it.]  
  
Skye: Thanks, Aberdeen. Guys, you know, there's a reason why I gave those rescue instructions, so, I don't know...GET ME OUT! *thrashing around*  
  
Hermione: Skye, hold on! *throws her life preserver*  
  
Skye: RMS Titanic? I've gotta hand it to myself. I had no idea I could conjure up something this nice!  
  
Hermione: Okay, put it on! *gives her pole*  
  
Skye: All right! I'm saved! *gets out of water and conjures another summer wind* Very nice, guys! This has to be one of the best ones yet! But maybe I should have let *shoots a look* SIRIUS fall in.  
  
Sirius: What did I do?  
  
Skye: Nothing, but I'm the boss, not to mention the author of this fic. So in you would have gone if I were thinking right at the time. Plus, it would have been funny!  
  
Sirius: Says who?  
  
Skye: *angry, getting up in his face* Says ME.  
  
Sirius: Geez, okay. You-are-the-boss! *muttering* Note to self: don't annoy the crazy person ever again, Sirius...  
  
Skye: All right, what say we all play a game.  
  
Draco: Count me out. I'm going of to read Death in Yellowstone. Because guess what? I was just feeling insecure when I got here. That's what my shrink usually says.  
  
[Everyone gapes.]  
  
Draco: Did I say shrink? I meant my mom.  
  
Skye: Right...  
  
Draco: Anyways, see you later.  
  
Skye: All right, Snape, you can go with him, or read something else.  
  
Snape: Okay, I'm at the good part of my book! *prances off to read a My Little Pony story book*  
  
Skye: Okay, dear readers. We're finished for the day. But, have a Happy Thanksgiving, AND leave me a gift: a review! Yay! See you later! We'll be off playing "The Game of Life." 


	6. ...Go Christmas Shopping

How To...  
...Go Christmas Shopping   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Good grief! I don't own any of the books/ board games I mention and/or make references to. Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, Christmas belongs to the people! And Skye, Aberdeen and Randall (heaven forbid) belong to me. Anywho...  
  
A/N: The day after Thanksgiving is today. Duh, Skye! *head bobs excitedly* Oh yeah, and in case you all were wondering, Aberdeen is a real parakeet. I got him this one time when I was Halloween costume shopping with my mom, dad, and my little brother. We went to the pet store that was next door to the costume place to get some crickets for Ultor, my brother's pet toad, and I went to look at the parakeets. I used to have one but it died last winter. So my mom and dad finally brought me a new one! Okay, on with the show...  
  
***  
[All is seemingly well in THE STUDIO. Skye is now wearing her white blousy- thing under a black jumper. She has on black tights over black boots going just above her ankles with 4 inch heels and around her neck there's a silver chain holding a pendant shaped like a dragon holding a little marble. She's laughing her head off, reading over her latest cue cards. Draco is still reading Death in Yellowstone, this time smirking over some guy who fed a bear marshmallows, only to have it messily rip his arm off. Harry is sitting in the corner reading "Redwall." Ron and Sirius were playing a loud game of Hi-Ho Cherrio, Sirius being sadly beaten by Ron, who had far more cherries in the blue basket. Hermione is chattering away with Minerva, who is drawing a diagram of something-or-other, attempting to teach her something. Remus is reading a werewolf novel.]  
  
Skye: Okay, people, since today is the day after Thanksgiving, we are doing a special "Christmas Shopping" announcement.   
  
Sirius: *hopeful look* I love you, Skye.  
  
Skye: Oh Sirius, you're such a sweetie! *gives him a hug* But you aren't going ANYWHERE.  
  
Draco:*laughing his head off*  
  
Sirius: Fine, fine...*pouts*  
  
Skye: Come on! Places! *conjures store aisle* Okay, go!  
  
FILMING  
  
Remus: Why not jump on the band wagon and go shopping on...  
  
All: The day after Thanksgiving!  
  
Sirius: Why avoid the holiday rush?  
  
Hermione: Okay, so what should we get for Uncle Simon, Bobby?  
  
Draco: I don't know, sis!  
  
Harry: Always choose a gift you'll know the person will like.  
  
Ron: Hey, let's get him a rotating tie rack! But this is to expensive...  
  
Minerva: Always be a bargain hunter.   
  
Hermione: *picks up cheap tie rack* All right!  
  
Draco: Then go pay.  
  
[There's a huge bang.]  
  
Hermione: Oh...my...god...  
  
Randall: You guys! I'm back but I couldn't get in! Wait, shoplifters!  
  
Skye: *turns off camera* RANDALL! What ARE you DOING here?   
  
Randall: Oh, Skye. They said that you were dead! But wait...  
  
Skye: Yep. They got SO sick of you, they HAD to do it...  
  
Randall: *stops dead in his tracks* What? *narrows eyes* I thought Jack said you liked me.  
  
Skye: Jack was right, but hey, when I found out that you were ANNOYING, I had to learn that sometimes you can't judge people you've just met.  
  
Randall: *shocked* Skye! That's just... plain mean!  
  
Cast: *sneer*   
  
Draco: Okay then. Randall, it's been nice knowing ya, but maybe we might have to, well, um- *fishes in pocket for his wand* SKYE! Where's my wand? You heartless-  
  
Skye: I took them! So you can't attack me! *sticks tongue out*  
  
Randall: *lunges at Skye* I. THOUGHT. WE. WERE. FRIENDS!  
  
Skye: *punches Randall in the stomach* Think again! *hits him again*   
  
[Randall's legendary poof of blue smoke and yellow flash of light occurs; and he's gone!]  
  
Draco: Good one, Skye!  
  
Skye: Hee, hee! Anywho, I'm still thinking about sending some of you guys home.   
  
Hermione, Ron and Harry: YES!  
  
Snape: There is a god!  
  
Siruis, Remus and Minerva: *look hopeful*  
  
Draco: *remains neutral*  
  
Skye: Or not.  
  
Draco: Um, okay.  
  
Hermione: *dramatic* I have an idea!  
  
Skye: What?  
  
Hermione: Let's play truth or dare!  
  
[Everyone nods reluctantly. Skye picks up Aberdeen out of his cage.]  
  
Skye: Okay, Ron, truth or dare?  
  
Ron: Wait, why do I have to go first?  
  
Sirius: *mumbling to himself* He shouldn't have done that, he shouldn't have done that...  
  
Skye: Because I SAID so!  
  
Ron: Okay, well, truth then.  
  
Skye: *devilish grin* Do you like Hermione?  
  
Ron: *turns red* Maybe...  
  
Hermione: *blushes*  
  
Harry: *mouth open wide* Who'd have thought?  
  
Draco: Weasley, are you nuts?  
  
Ron: Well, Malfoy, truth or dare?  
  
Draco: *furious* Dare, Weasley.  
  
Ron: *huge smile* I dare you to kiss Skye! Ahahahahahaha!  
  
Skye: *mouth drops open, face turns pale* Weasley... you die!  
  
Harry: *holding Skye back* Don't, don't, this'll be interesting.  
  
Skye: For you!  
  
Draco: *shaking* I-I-I quit!  
  
Minerva: Draco, you can't quit!  
  
Remus: Yeah, just do it.  
  
Skye: All right, make it quick. And if anyone laughs, Randall comes back.  
  
All: *shiver*  
  
Draco: *scowling* Fine, fine, fine. *gives Skye quick peck*  
  
[Skye is fuming.]  
  
Draco: Okay, Professor Snape, truth or dare?  
  
Skye: Stop sucking up! He's just SNAPE! JUST SNAPE!  
  
Hermione: It's okay, Skye...  
  
Snape: Truth, Malfoy.  
  
Draco: Do you like Ricky Martin?   
  
Snape: *sinks to the floor, blushing* No...  
  
Draco: *cracking up*  
  
Snape: Anyway, Minerva, truth or dare?  
  
Minerva: Dare.  
  
Snape: I dare you too...um, give Remus a hug.  
  
Skye: *rolls eyes*  
  
Minerva; Whatever. *hugs Remus*  
  
Skye: You guys, it's time for our outro!  
  
All: Yeah, whatever.  
  
Skye: *rolls eyes* Truth or Dare, what fun. Yeah, right. What an action packed chapter this was! Please leave a review and do take a Harry Potter fruit snack on the way out. Hope you liked it, there will be more later. Soon, I might add! Bye! *waves* 


	7. ...Take a Break (Hee hee, not a comercia...

How To...  
...Take a Break (not a commercial this time!)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't really own anything. I really didn't even make up Aberdeen. So I only own Skye and *shudders* Randall.  
  
A/N: Congratulations, peoples, did you know that you're reading a fic written by a moron? Yeppers, that's right. I am so stupid! Why, you may ask? And why is this girl telling me this? Well, last chapter, How To Go Christmas Shopping was posted yesterday (today's the 25th of November as I write this). I didn't check to see if it was right, since I usual read the newest of my chapters. However, it was time for bed, and I did not have time. So when I woke up this morning, I looked at it so I could write this lovely chapter. *beams happily* But I discovered that I had posted chapter 4 of my Have Fun Easily! List. But now, everything should be right again. ^__^  
  
(V)  
('.')  
o(") (") Bunny says: Please, review!  
  
Now, on with the fic...  
  
************  
  
[Skye is sitting on her air mattress, this time not writing any cue cards. She's wearing paint splotched overalls and a camouflage shirt. On her feet there is a pair of Slytherin toe socks. Her brown clogs are sitting, cast aside. Sirius is now drawing pictures of black dogs (well, of course he is!) in his notebook, quietly humming something. Remus is playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos by himself. Hermione is building paper airplanes and launching them into a trashcan across the room. Minerva is staring at a page in "Helpful Housekeeping Hints." But she's been staring at the same page for over an hour. Draco is writing a long report on "Death in Yellowstone." Harry has decided to help Skye out by dusting things off, but he really just wants to sneak under the stage to see where Skye hid "Gator Golf" after Harry whacked Malfoy with one of the clubs. Ron was sorting the Pokemon cards out into stacks and categories. Snape is trying to see how many pens he can get stuck in the ceiling by throwing them.]  
  
Skye: You guys, I've been thinking.  
  
[Everyone freezes.]  
  
Remus: Oh no, oh no.   
  
Sirius: Um, yeah?  
  
Skye: I've been working you guys REALLY hard lately, so, well, why not have the day off?  
  
Minerva: *starts shaking happily* Oh my god! Yes!  
  
Snape: Skye, you are the best! I always liked you, I swear.  
  
Draco: Wheee!  
  
Hermione: *timid* Can we...have a party? With LOTS of food? Please?  
  
Skye: Yeah, sure, knock yourselves out. *conjures long table of chips, cookies, candy, crackers, hamburgers, hotdogs, pizza, and tons of soda*  
  
Sirius: *mouth drops open as he picks a slice of pizza* What is this?  
  
Hermione: Pizza! Skye, you are the BEST!  
  
[Everyone attacks the table. Harry grabs a huge handful of sour cream potato chips and shoves them into his mouth. Minerva put a hamburger on a bun and slapped French Fries onto it, plus ketchup and mustard. Sirius sniffed the pizza and took a tiny bite, then scarfed it down, while Hermione lunged on the pizza box and grabbed a slice. Ron and Draco snatch up huge stacks of gigantic cookies. Snape dipped his hand into a bowl of Jolly Ranchers and, after removing the wrapper, popped some into his mouth, even after some hesitation. But Skye slinks over to the air mattress.]  
  
Skye: Yeah, whatever.   
  
[Even Aberdeen joins in the massive feast occurring over at the table. He lands on Draco's shoulder and bites off small corners of the cookies when Draco isn't looking.]  
  
Skye: *thinking* What a merry day it is. I need to think of ideas of things to do outside of THE STUDIO. *conjures her Notebook of Yellow-ness and a red pen* Hmmm. Let's think. What's going on in our area? Of course, nothing.  
  
Hermione: No, Sirius, this is called a Snickers bar. Try it.  
  
Skye: *remembers something* Oh, snaps! Christmas reunion at the plaza. Eek! I cannot leave them here alone. Gosh! And I promised Toad, too.  
  
Sirius: Are you okay, Skye? *mouthful of hotdog*  
  
Skye: Well, no. We've got to go somewhere at around seven tonight.  
  
Draco: Such as...?  
  
Snape: Not another announcement, I hope.  
  
Skye: No way. I promised you guys a day off. But I have one favor to ask.  
  
Remus: I'm afraid, all of a sudden.  
  
Skye: *stands up and walks over to the table, grabbing a Tootsie roll stick and chewing the end off* Don't be.  
  
Minerva: *lets out a sigh of relief* Um, okay, somehow I am not comforted by that.  
  
Skye: *rolls eyes but takes a deep breath* I need you to meet my mom and dad and my little brother.  
  
Harry: That doesn't sound so bad.  
  
Draco: Think again.  
  
Harry: Eek!  
  
Skye: Really. I do not want to leave you guys here by yourselves. Only I know the secrets of THE STUDIO.  
  
Snape: Again, I am VERY scared.   
  
Skye: Nah. Anywho, we're going to go to Crown Center in Kansas.   
  
Minerva: Are we in Kansas?  
  
Skye: Hee, hee! No way! My mom and dad would be visiting us 24/7 if we were.   
  
Ron: So where are we?  
  
Skye: An alternate dimension. A parallel universe, if you will.  
  
Remus: She's making sense...  
  
Sirius: Whoa.  
  
Hermione: I'll go, Skye.  
  
Draco: I guess so.  
  
Skye: So, what do you guys say? Fresh air might help you guys a bit.  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Skye: Um, okay, lemme call Toad.  
  
Draco: *snickers* Toad?   
  
Skye: My BROTHER.  
  
Draco: *smile fades*  
  
Skye: *conjures phone as others watch* Okay then. *dials in a few digits as non-Muggles watch in astonishment* Hey, Toad. Yep, buddy! I'm still coming tonight! Yeah. Yeah. Yep, and Toad? Tell Mom I'm bringing the new cast with me, too. There's eight, nine, if you include me. Yeah, love you too. And bring the monkeys! I'll bring Sirius and Bob, okay? Yeah, bye. *hangs up and snaps away phone*  
  
All: *gape* Eh?  
  
Skye: That was Toad, my brother.   
  
Sirius: You have a monkey named...named Sirius?  
  
Skye: *nods* Sad but true.   
  
Sirius: *fake grin* Great, I have a monkey named after me.  
  
Skye: Yep. Even though he's not a real monkey! He's a stuffed monkey, and so is Bob.   
  
Ron: Dear me, did your parents really name him Toad?  
  
Harry: *kicks Ron* Don't say that, don't go there, Ron.  
  
Skye: No way! We all just call him that. Sometimes I can convince myself that it is, though. Like now, when I hardly remember that's not his real name.  
  
All: *strange looks*  
  
Skye: What? His name is Toad! It seems like it always has been.  
  
Draco: Only you would have a brother named Toad, Skye.  
  
Skye: Yeah, whatever.  
  
Hermione: Oh, come on, let's eat!  
  
Snape: Yay!  
  
[They eat. Well, duh. What the heck did you expect them to do? Simple, yes?]  
  
Skye: *eating nachos* So, um, yeah. You guys, since it's our day off, wanna see something neat?   
  
Snape: Such as...? (A/N: Tee hee, they say that a lot.)  
  
Skye: *beams happily* A magical Muggle website called www.fanfiction.net. Cool.  
  
Remus: Fan what?  
  
Skye: Fiction, silly old Remus!  
  
Remus: Wait, wait, wait. I am NOT old. *scowls*  
  
Skye: Sure, whatever. Anyway, fanfiction.net is where people such as myself write stories about things we like. We even write about YOU guys.  
  
Sirius: *jumps back in horror* Really?  
  
Skye: Yeah! *conjures computer that's logged onto the Internet* Okay. I'll just type this in... *clicking of keys* Ah ha! Are you ready for the world of fan fiction?  
  
All: *shrug*  
  
********Later********  
  
Remus: God! That's disgusting! Sirius is my FRIEND! God, Skye, this is sick!  
  
Sirius: *eyes twitch, obviously disturbed by this* Oh, god.  
  
Skye: Okay, okay, fine.   
  
************Still Later*************  
  
Skye: *flosses teeth* What do ya think?  
  
Draco: You killed me, Skye!   
  
Harry: You made me cry! (A/N: See my story "One Last Message")  
  
Skye: You guys, I can explain!  
  
Draco and Harry: *glare* I hope so!  
  
Skye: I was very sick! I was depressed! I missed lots of stuff at school! I had to get it out! And then I began to write this little gem of a fanfic that you're in right now! Hee hee!  
  
Draco: Whatever. I died anyway.  
  
Harry: And don't forget! I cried!  
  
Everyone except Draco & Harry: *laughing*  
  
Skye: *thinks a minute, looks at watch* It's getting late. We'll end here for now! Dear reader, next installment, we finally meet Mom, Dad and Toad. Leave a review and take a Sirius Black's Flying Motorcycle toy on the way out! Bye! *waves* 


	8. Meet the Parents: Part One

How To…  
…Meet Your Bosses' Parents (Holiday Special!)  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except:  
  
Skye  
Aberdeen  
Randall  
Mom  
Dad  
Toad  
THE STUDIO  
  
  
  
That's right, I don't own Harry Potter, but the above list is my characters. Tee hee, but hey, it's not like I'm about to make $$ off of them, so I suppose you could steal them, but why in heaven's name would you want to? *gulps* I'm rambling! Eek, eek! Okay, on with the fic!   
  
But wait!  
  
A/N: You people do not want to know how many times I miss-spelled "signs" in this chapter. Eek eek!   
***********  
  
[Skye has conjured flannel jackets for the cast of her ads, but she's still in her robe, trying to decide what to wear.]  
  
Remus: *sigh* Skye, why not just PICK something?  
  
Skye: Remus, it's not that simple! *is waving hands around trying to emphasize her point when she smacks the top of his head* Oops, sorry.  
  
Remus: *glares* Don't mention it.   
  
Skye: It's not simple because nearly everything I own is well, weird. *mumbling* Gotta make a good impression…  
  
Sirius: I've, um, never seen you like this, Skye.  
  
Skye: Eek, eek!  
  
Minerva: What the-  
  
Skye: Monkey thing, don't ask.  
  
Snape: *nods* Weird…  
  
Ron: Come on, Skye, um, how about *holds up outfit* this?  
  
[Ron has held up an "I Love Remus" t-shirt and jeans with huge holes in the knees.]  
  
Skye: Ron, what are you on? *snatches T-shirt away* Where'd you get that?  
  
Ron: Right here, on top of "Sirius is Soooo Cute!" and "Randall Sucks."  
  
Skye: *blushing furiously* What? Toad made them for me! I needed shirts to wear with pajamas!  
  
Remus: *grins* Hee hee hee!  
  
Skye: *smacks him* You're next, Weasley! *runs after him*  
  
Ron: It was an accident! *screaming like a girl* Harry! HELP!  
  
Harry: Hey, it's your fault, Ron.  
  
Draco: *laughing* Better run, Weasley!  
  
Skye: *stops dead in her tracks as 6:30 alarm goes off* Eek eek! I have got to choose SOMETHING.  
  
Remus: *cheesy grin* You could wear the shirt Ron suggested.   
  
Skye: *absently* Yeah, yeah, okay. Snape, do you see that blue coat thing, right there? *points*  
  
Snape: Yeah, sure. Are you wearing that over your Lupin T-shirt? Because if I were you, I'd cover that up too.  
  
Remus: *quietly*At least I know how to wash my hair, Severus.  
  
Snape: *lunges* Shut up, werewolf! *about to sock the living daylights out of him*  
  
Sirius: Hey! Leave him alone! *kicks Snape in the shins*  
  
Snape: Ow! Why you little- *leaps on Sirius, punching him in the face*  
  
Hermione: Stop it! You're acting like Ron and Malfoy!  
  
Draco and Ron: Hey!   
  
Skye: Come on you guys!  
  
[Snape and Sirius are rolling around, throwing around assorted insults, rude words and thrashing each other. Lupin stares, aghast at what he's started.]  
  
Skye: *muttering* If Lupin wasn't so cute this might not have happened.  
  
Minerva: *kicks Snape off of Sirius* Snape, honestly. I'd have expected that from Potter and Malfoy, but not you and Mr. Black here.   
  
Snape: *shrugs* Whatever.  
  
[Snape's eye has suddenly turned an awful shade of purplish-ness. Sirius has a long, jagged cut going down his cheek.]  
  
Remus: *quietly, as usual* That really was not a good idea, Padfoot. *sighs*  
  
Snape: My thoughts exactly.  
  
Remus: Oh, shut up.  
  
Skye: All right. *picks up pair of ripped, faded and paint-stained jeans* Super! *zaps herself, changing her clothes into the outfit she's selected*  
  
Minerva; Can we please go?  
  
Skye: I couldn't agree more. But Sirius, Remus and Snape. Can you guys get along? I DO NOT want to have my mom and dad see my friends kicking each other's butts. Okay?  
  
Sirius: *sighs happily* We're your friends?  
  
Skye: *turns six shades of red* No, no, not exactly, you're my cast!   
  
Sirius: Um, okay. *winks and grins*  
  
Skye: *color drains from her face* What are YOU laughing at, Black?  
  
Sirius: *grin fades* Nothing!  
  
Skye: *sighs* Whatever. *snaps*  
  
[There's a blinding red light and a rushing sound. Everything goes black. When it's light again, the cast is standing outside of a nice, suburban home, in a nice, suburban neighborhood. The driveway is neatly shoved and large piles of cast-off snow lay next to the driveway. Unfortunately for him, Sirius is standing in a knee-deep pile of snow.]  
  
Sirius: Oh, delightful.  
  
Skye: Eek! I'm sorry! *gives Sirius apologetic hug* I'm not that great at transportation-conjuring yet. Sorry.  
  
Remus, Snape and Draco: *laughing*  
  
[All of a sudden, the front door of the nice home whips open. A kind looking couple and a bouncy little ten year old step out.]  
  
Mom: Skye!   
  
Skye: Hello, mom.  
  
Toad: *waving monkeys in air wildly* All right! She's on time, this time!  
  
Skye: *blushes*  
  
Cast: *give strange looks*  
  
Skye: *walking to her parents* Hello, Daddy!  
  
Dad: *hugs Skye and picks her up, spinning her around* I missed you, Monkey Shines!  
  
Skye: *laughing* I missed you too!   
  
Cast: *looks on at this strange scene* Eh…  
  
Skye: *has her feet on the ground again* Hey, Toad. *pats him on the head*  
  
Mom: Give mommy a hug!  
  
Skye: *hugs her* Oh, I missed you guys!   
  
Toad: Did you bring any of those tapes you've been making? *devilish grin*  
  
Skye: As a matter of fact… *reaches into bag no one noticed she was carrying* I did!  
  
Harry: *murmuring* Just kill me now.   
  
Hermione: Wait, kill me too.  
  
Toad: Thanks!  
  
Mom: Let's go before all of the other shoppers get there. We only have about a week left until Christmas.   
  
Remus and Sirius: *exchange a glance*  
  
Sirius: *hissing* I guess they just like to put things off.   
  
Remus: *hissing back* Guess so.  
  
Skye: *calling her cast* Come on! *talking to her parents again* I'll take my little cast in the van and you guys can have Daddy's car, if that's okay.  
  
[Her parents agree. The cast piles into the car, Skye in the driver's seat.] 


	9. Meet the Parents: Part Two

Skye: Buckle in!  
  
Remus: *messing with seat belt, gets tangled in it, looks helpless* Oh no.  
  
Harry: Hold on, Professor Lupin! *untangles it and buckles the seat belt*  
  
Draco: Oh, so THAT'S how you do it.   
  
Skye: Yeah. *starts driving* Dum, dee, dum, dee, dee, dee, do.   
  
Minerva: So, where exactly are we going?  
  
Draco: She's probably kidnapping us.  
  
Skye: *brightly* No, only you, Draco. And I'm going to take you to the fountain that signifies all of the major rivers in the U.S., and drop you in it with a wondrous pair of cement shoes! *eyes twinkle*  
  
Harry and Hermione: Ooohh! *laughing*  
  
Snape: What's cement?   
  
Harry: A Muggle kind of rock.  
  
Draco: *smile fades rapidly* Eek.  
  
Skye: *flicks on radio* Ah. Gotta calm my nerves. *blasting a loud song with fast lyrics and obscene words*  
  
Non-Muggles: *look around, trying to find where the music is coming from*  
  
Sirius: *remembers something that had been troubling him earlier* Skye?  
  
Skye: Mmm?  
  
Sirius: Do your parents know about, your, um…  
  
Skye: Yeah, what is it?  
  
Sirius: Do they know that you can, well, you know.  
  
Skye: The conjuring?   
  
Sirius: *bobs head* Yep, that's it.  
  
Skye: *sighs* No way. If they knew about it, I'd never hear the end of it!  
  
Remus: Why?  
  
Skye: I don't know.  
  
Remus: *looks mystified*  
  
[Snape is sleeping on Sirius' shoulder, and Sirius is looking out the window, scowling. Hermione and Harry are singing along the best they can with the radio, Ron is doodling pictures of spiders with their heads cut off and such in Toad's Pokemon notebook, Minerva is gasping in shock at every obscenity and shaking her head sadly. Skye is driving, of course, and seems to be deep in thought. Remus is sitting, leafing through Skye's old agenda from the seventh grade, when he discovers the guide to the sign language alphabet, so now he's signing words like "werewolf" and the names of his fellow Marauders (well, except Peter, obviously) and looking at Skye's sarcastic comments written under "Parent/Teacher Comments" on each page. Draco is looking in wonder at all of the neon signs. ]  
  
Skye: *sighs and changes the radio to her favorite station* Doo, doo, doo. *goes back to thinking*  
  
Minerva: Something bothering you, Skye?  
  
Skye: *fake smile* Not at all! *pokes Remus, who's sitting in the front seat* Open the glove compartment.  
  
Remus: The what?  
  
Skye: *frustrated* Do you see that handle? *Lupin nods* Pull it, so it opens. There's a little jelly-jar in there. Hand me it, will ya?  
  
Remus: Here.  
  
Skye: Good, one hundred, two hundred, two hundred fifty, two hundred and ninety nine dollars and sixty eight cents. Not bad, Skye.  
  
Ron: *looks up from picture of a spider with small children hitting it like a piñata. * Is that Muggle money?  
  
Skye: Yeah.  
  
Ron: Wow, that's weird. I've seen English Muggle money, but not American. (A/N: Before you say, "He has, where?" remember the part in "The Sorcerer's Stone" where Harry gets the money from his aunt and uncle for Christmas? Yeah.)  
  
Skye: I thought so. Oh, look, we're here. Now to find parking. Ah-ha! Union Station is free! Hee hee, we can take "the Link."  
  
Snape: The what?  
  
Skye: *sighs* It's like a covered bridge, only it's inside.   
  
Snape: Weird…  
  
Skye: Yeah. *parks in parking lot* Okay, everyone out.  
  
[They all climb out and walk inside. Ron and Harry are giggling about something, pointing at a scowling Malfoy. Five minutes later, after Malfoy embarrassingly refused to use the escalator, they're up in the link. Minerva keeps nervously looking down at the cars bellow.]  
  
Snape: *evil sneer* Scared of heights, Minerva?  
  
Sirius: Oh, shut up, Snape.  
  
Minerva: No, I'm not. I just want to make sure that no tall trucks come through and go right up into the floor.  
  
Skye: Not going to happen…  
  
Remus: *suddenly pale* How do you know?  
  
Skye: Because, my dad's an engineer. A civil engineer. But you see these cables holding up the thing, right there?  
  
[The adults nod.]  
  
Skye: Well, if they snap and start moving around, they can cut you in half.  
  
Snape: *turns green* Oh.  
  
Draco: Sir, are you feeling all right?  
  
Snape: Oh, shut it, Malfoy.  
  
[All of a sudden, they step through a door, people yelling and screaming, smacking each other as they fight over Harry Potter pillows, books, toys, stuffed animals, games, stationary, diaries, Pez machines, etc.]  
  
Skye: I can't do this! We waited to late to shop! *steps back into the link, conjures a huge chunk of fudge and bites the end off as she steps back inside* I am OKAY!  
  
Draco: All this…for POTTER?  
  
[All of a sudden, a little girl sees the group.]  
  
Little Girl: Hey! That boy looks like HARRY POTTER!  
  
Little Boy: Wow! Steal his clothes!  
  
[A huge mob suddenly storms towards the cast, made up of screaming little kids.]  
  
Ron: RUN!  
  
Cast and Skye: Ahhhh!  
  
Minerva: Skye, is this a good idea? Where'll we go?  
  
Skye: *thinks as she runs and chews on fudge at the same time* I have an idea!  
  
[They run to the hotel inside of Crown Center.]  
  
Skye: This way! *they leap into an elevator and close the door*  
  
Remus: That *pants* was not *gasping* what I *takes deep breath* had expected.  
  
Sirius: Calm down, Moony.  
  
Hermione: Goodness, did you see all of that Harry Potter merchandise?  
  
Harry: *grins, eyes shine* For me, all for me.  
  
Skye: You have tons of crazy fans. I bought the Goblet of Fire on the first day it came out! *smiles proudly* Go, me!  
  
All: *cringe*  
  
[In five minutes they depart the elevator and head to Fritz's (the railroad restaurant ^__^), but buying Harry a hat and sunglasses on the way.]  
  
Skye: So, let's see. I want a double cheeseburger, large fries, large vanilla milkshake and a salad. How about you?  
  
[Everyone orders a cheeseburger and fries and a coke, except Skye.]  
  
Skye: Ok then. *picks up phone to order* Hello? Yeah, I want a double cheeseburger, large fries, a large milkshake, vanilla, please. Oh, and a salad. And eight cheeseburgers, eight large fries and eight cokes. No, it's not all for me! God! *hangs up* It's so hard to find good help nowadays.   
  
Hermione: Right, I can't stand that kind of thing!  
  
Minerva: Dear me, yes!  
  
[All of the girls start complaining about this.]  
  
Guys: Women. *roll eyes*  
  
Skye: *concluding the conversation* Society is going downhill, and probably not just because of this kind of thing!  
  
[The food and drink arrives and Skye claps happily. Even Remus cracks a smile.]  
  
Skye: Excellent! Salad! *spears several huge leaves of lettuce and messily shoves them into her mouth* Delicious!  
  
Remus: Mmm, this is quite good.  
  
Sirius: I agree.   
  
Hermione: Not bad.  
  
Skye: *beams* That's what I KNEW you'd say!  
  
Harry: You SOUND like Trelawny.   
  
Skye: *face falls and tears come to her eyes* Really?  
  
Snape: Oh no.  
  
Hermione: *puts arm around Skye* It's okay, Harry just doesn't understand girls.  
  
Skye: *sniffle, faint grin* Okay.  
  
Remus: *chews hamburger* Where exactly are your mom and dad?  
  
Skye: Dunno. Off shopping, for me and Toad. They probably gave Toad some money to buy something for me and Mom and Dad. That reminds me, we've got to get something for Toad! Yep, I know what to get.  
  
Sirius: What?  
  
Skye: What I always get him: twenty Hot Wheels toy cars.   
  
Non-Muggles: Toy WHATS?  
  
Hermione: She'll show you when we get there.  
  
[They all eat. When they finish, they pay and leave. They start to head towards the toy store, but Ron and Skye catch sight of a candy store where you pay for a basket and then fill it up.]  
  
Ron and Skye: *glance at each other* Uh huh! *run into the store and immediately pay for a basket, before anyone can stop them*  
  
Hermione: Oh no. Oh no!  
  
Harry: God save us!  
  
Draco: Weasley can afford that? Oh, that's right, Skye's buying it for him. *is attacked by Harry for that last little remark*  
  
Ron and Skye: *emerge from the store with a bag of candy each, half an hour later, laughing their heads off* Whee!  
  
Ron: Hee hee, that was fun, even though I have NO idea what these things I just bought are.   
  
Skye: *pops a Jolly Rancher into her mouth* You will soon. Hey, you guys do not know what you just missed out on.  
  
Snape: I bet we do.   
  
Minerva: Sugar rushes?  
  
Remus: High cholesterol?  
  
Sirius: Cavities?  
  
Ron: No way! Fun! But that's okay, we have to get Skye's brother and her parents and cousins and grandparents something.  
  
Skye: *pales* I forgot about that! We need to hurry.   
  
Hermione: You FORGOT? Skye! *chasing after her*  
  
[A minute or so later, they have all hurried to the toy store, which was, unfortunately located on the other end of the mall. How's they get there so soon? Well, they ran! *snickers* Sorry, that just amused me.]  
  
Skye: *scooping up two handfuls of toy cars, Matchbox brand in one hand and Hot Wheels in the other and dumping them into a shopping basket* Okay, next on Toad's list: sea monkeys!  
  
Hermione: *pops her head around the corner of a nearby shelf* Here they are, Skye. *throws her a box*  
  
Skye: Thanks. I'll get Mom and Dad puppets. They LOVE puppets. All of my old ones are still at home, you know.  
  
Ron: Neat.  
  
Skye: Yep. *picks up large gorilla puppet and looks it over* Perfect. *checks her mother's name off of her list* Okay, does anyone see any killer whale puppets?  
  
Draco: *hand pops up over the racks of puppets with a whale puppet in it* Here.  
  
Skye: *grabs it away from him before he can snatch it back* Thank you, Draco! You're so sweet!  
  
Draco: *has emerged from behind the puppet racks with a scowl on his face* Am not!  
  
Skye: Yeah, okay! *picks up a doll and studies it* Perfect. For my cousin. *heads to cash register*  
  
Harry: You know, this is not all that bad. Cool.  
  
Sirius: And that was random.  
  
[Skye comes back with a big bag. So now they go to the dining ware store. Little do her friends know that Skye has secretly been buying things for them all day at the mall.]  
  
Skye: Minerva, which do you like better? *holds up a plate with blueberries on it, then a plate with poinsettias on it*  
  
Minerva: Weeell, the poinsettias are very festive and all, but the blueberries can be used all year long!  
  
Skye: *huge grin, puts the plates down and picks up a large set of the blueberry plates and goes to pay* Why didn't I think of that?  
  
[Next they go to the music store. Skye grins happily and picks up a CD. Snape gasps, seeing it's one of those ones with a wide array of songs, which all included screamed words, dizzying music and nauseating speeds. Very nice! Skye grins happily and puts it in a shopping basket. They browse for a few more minutes but then go pay for the CD.]  
  
[Next they go to the bookstore, their last place to go to before they meet Skye's parents to go to see Sue, the giant T-Rex skeleton at Union Station. Skye buys a whole set of Harry Potter hard covers for her last cousin, and a pair of art books for her aunt and uncle, plus a sketchbook for her other cousin.]  
  
[They walk back through the Link to Union Station, where they find that Skye's family has already bought tickets. So the now very large group walks to where the dinosaur skeleton is being held. Ron offers Toad a Tootsie Roll, which he eats happily, and this ignites a conversation between them.]  
  
Draco:*looks up* Whoa, that's big.  
  
[Everyone stares at him.]  
  
Draco: What? It is!  
  
Minerva: Um, yeah.  
  
Ron: {talking to Toad} See how big it is? *They're both chewing on pieces of taffy*  
  
Toad: Yeah, cool!  
  
[The go through the exhibit.]  
  
Skye: *whispering* Okay, readers, this chapter was our longest yet, and our pre-Christmas special! But we will have a Christmas special too. Sorry it took me so long to get this finished!   
  
Mom: Skye, dear, who are you whispering to?  
  
Skye: No one! *whispering again* Well, we gotta fly, and we'll be back to normal soon. Leave a review, and take a hippogriff sugar cookie on the way out! Bye! 


End file.
